Impossibly Capable

We need to stop believing assault and harassment and overall general creepiness only exists in hidden places.

It’s doesn’t.

Sometimes it’s blatant, sometimes it’s a slow burn.

The #MeToo movement has gained steamed, crescendoed, and started to fizzle out.

It shouldn’t.

And it shouldn’t take a high-ranking hidden predator falling from grace to resurrect or continue it.

We’ve all heard the victim doubting or shaming, “that person couldn’t have done this” or “I have known this person for years, s/he is incapable of such a thing. It’s impossible.”

And then we learn just how capable someone is.

I think it’s time I share my story too. So, I present to you,

Top 10 List of “Stergion’s Are You Effing Kidding Me?! #MeToo Professional Moments”

10) At my office, a member of the organization who did not have an office in my building continued to visit me in my office. It was not unusual to have visitors. This person, however, would stay an inordinate amount of time. On one occasion, right before Christmas, stood up and made a gesture for a hug. It was weird, especially at the workplace, but I didn’t think anything of it. The hug lasted uncomfortably long.

9) Same Person, eventually gave me a graphic novel for Christmas (we weren’t friendly and gift exchanges at the office were not the norm). After he left, I took the book home and opened it. It was a pornographic novel with violent themes. I threw it out.

8) Same person, came to my office and knocked on the door a month or so after giving me the book. I had locked my door so I could get my work done without interruption. This person had a very distinctive knock and I heard him ask a paralegal if I was in my office. I didn’t answer. He tried the door anyway. Twice.

7) Same person, came to my office a month after that. My door was open. He walks in, closes it, and asks me about the book. I explained it wasn’t something I was interested in, nor something I wanted in my house. He proceeded to chat for a few more moments, come around my desk next to my chair, and show me a video of him dancing provocatively in his kitchen. He was too close and I thought he was going to try to kiss me. I booted him out of my office. I went to my boss and he had the offensive person escorted out of the building and permanently banned. I am lucky that this same boss and our security chief supportively presented me with every option to pursue further action against this person.

6) Running into a colleague I haven’t seen in several months, he notices my haircut, remarks that I have been, “recently shorn,” and asks if, “the carpet matches the drapes.” We weren’t buddies. We never dated. We were in a very busy courthouse in Erie County, and this was in the presence of colleagues and clients.

5) Remarking on my last name, a colleague remarks that he has a Russian girlfriend (who apparently loves caviar), so he, “knows how to eat Sturgeon.” I met that person an hour before. We were in Albany to argue at the Court of Appeals. We were actually in an antechamber at the Court of Appeals, in the presence of about two dozen people at that time. Everyone heard the comment.

4) I’m a hugger and cheek-kisser. At a political event I was approached by someone who embraced me. When I moved to withdraw from the embrace, he held me tighter, whispered in my ear, “just one more moment…almost done…” sighed, and gave a faux orgasm sound. While this shouldn’t matter (and it doesn’t matter), I had previously run for office and, at the time of this incident, was then openly dating an elected official. This was at a $250-a-ticket gala.

3) Having a former professor whose advances I previously rebuffed a year prior, I was a graduate student work study for my former department but pursuing another degree. He came into my office, told me he was cleaning out his bookshelf and asked if I wanted anything. I followed him into his office and looked at the shelf. He closed the door behind me, drop his pants and asked me to, “just touch it.”

2) Same professor, same incident, I rebuffed this request to, “just touch it” and he grabbed my hand and tried to make me do it anyway. Withdrawing, I went back to my office and didn’t speak to him for years after that.

1) Same professor, years later, I was getting ready to go to apply to law school. I wanted recommendation letters from professors. I had done very well in graduate school but had more classes with him than any other professor. I asked him for a recommendation letter. His response, by email, was, “what, nothing and now you want something?”. I still have that email.

So there it is: people in power do shitty things to other people in private, in public, and in front of however many people and usually it goes unnoticed. If this has happened to you, let it be noticed. If it happens to you, know that you can come forward. If it happens to you, know that you’re not alone because it happened to #MeToo.